


Trust the Truth

by greenwithirony



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Post-Canon, Trans Male Character, Trans Naoto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 03:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenwithirony/pseuds/greenwithirony
Summary: Rise said she loved Naoto, and Naoto trusted her. That didn't mean he wasn't terrified about telling her something he hadn't been able to admit to himself for years.





	Trust the Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case you missed my tags, Naoto's trans. Extremely trans. The trans-est of them all.

On the way home from work, Naoto stared at his reflection in the window of the train. He studied his long eyelashes and perfectly smooth jaw with an impassive gaze while his heart sank. 

_No. Stop. You know this doesn't get you anywhere._

Naoto closed his eyes. 

At least his hair was short again. He'd impulsively gotten it cut two months ago, and hadn't regretted it for an instant. 

 _I'm going to tell her this evening._  

**_You’ve been saying you’re going to tell her this evening for two weeks._ **

_I’m serious this time._

**_Sure. She's not going to like it._**  

_Rise has told me many times that she loves me. It's going to be okay._

**_What if she leaves you?_ **

Naoto took a deep, shuddering breath.  _I need to tell her anyway. I've been miserable the past few months. The past few years_.  _You know that. I've stopped lying to myself, and now I need to stop lying to my friends. That absolutely includes my girlfriend._

The voice was silent.

The train screeched to a halt at Naoto's stop. He took a last glance at his reflection and saw only the determination in his eyes. 

* * *

"Rise, I'm home!" Naoto called from just inside the door of their shared apartment. “And I brought dinner!”

"Welcome home!" Rise appeared around the corner from the dining room. "I just finished setting the table. What've you got?"

Naoto held up the bag. "Just Indian food from that place down the street from the police station."

Rise grinned. “Let's eat, I'm starving."

Naoto set the food down on the table. "I second that." 

Over dinner, Naoto tried to find a balance between listening to Rise and thinking about when the best time to tell her... the thing... would be. 

"My latest contractor rejected my idea for a song because he said it was far too adventuresome and might not sell. Even though he told me before I would be given creative freedom!"

"That's no good."  _After dinner? Is that a good time? Just casually bring it up?_

“Yeah! I might have to just find a different contractor.”

_"Hey Rise, guess what? I'm not the person you thought I was!"_

_"..._ still a little surprised they bought the contract to sell the album that included Fated Love. You know, the song about the two girls?" 

"Yeah." Naoto managed a genuine smile. "That's one of your best."  _Maybe I should just tell her tomorrow._   _She's in a pretty good mood today. I can't ruin that._  

Rise smiled back. "It's probably my best because I was thinking about you, silly. Anyway..."

Naoto's stomach dropped to the floor. Of course Rise had been thinking about him when she wrote that song.  _Two girls **. Two girls**. _

_Maybe I should tell her never._  

 _I can just keep pretending to be a girl. It'll be okay. It’s fine. I've gotten good at pretending_.

Naoto felt bile rising in his throat. He set down his bread. 

"Naoto-kun?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? I didn't say anything at first because I know sometimes you don't want to talk about it, but... if you do..."

There were worried wrinkles in Rise’s forehead. Naoto was causing them. He almost said that nothing was wrong, but stopped himself. Rise deserved better than that. She deserved the truth. "Thank you. I'll... tell you later. I promise." Naoto swallowed audibly. 

Rise nodded. The wrinkles faded away. "Okay. Don't forget that I love you."

Naoto smiled weakly. 

"Oh!" Rise perked up suddenly. "Oh, it’s fine if you don't want to go... but there's a mini-conference tonight that a lot of idols and musicians are going to be at. I’d like to go, and I'd like it if you came with me. I’m very much looking forward to going as a freelance artist and not as an idol. But seriously," Rise wagged her finger. "If you don't want to come, don't come. I hate seeing you miserable at social events." 

Naoto chuckled. "Yes, yes." He considered for a moment. "...How long is it going to be?"

"It starts at like 8pm, although you don't have to be there until 9, that's when the presentations start, and those go until 11, and the conference... okay it's basically a party after the presentations are over... officially ends at midnight. And then people usually break off into groups and go to bars until ridiculous hours of the morning. But we can definitely leave before then." 

"...As long as we leave before midnight that doesn't sound terrible. I'll go with you."

"Thanks, Naoto-kun! I'll enjoy it a lot more with you there. You know I love showing off my cute girlfriend."

Naoto's stomach clenched. "Mmm. Yeah."

Rise opened her mouth like she was about to say something, then closed it again. Naoto was obviously doing a terrible job of hiding the fact that something was wrong. Rise had probably only stopped herself because of the countless past conversations they'd had where Rise had tried to get information out of Naoto before he was ready to tell her and gotten absolutely nowhere. 

 _I thought you were ready. Coward._  

Rise picked up her dishes and stood up. "I'll be getting ready. I'd like to get there at 8:30, and it’ll take us about 15 minutes to get there, so we'll leave at 8:15. Sound good?"

"Yeah."

Rise left, and Naoto pushed his food aside and laid his head down on the table. 

_Just tell her tomorrow._

**_Tell her never._ **

_She deserves to know. I can't lie to her forever._

**_I don't know about that. You lied to yourself for a very long time. How can you be sure?_ **

Naoto groaned.  _Stop! Stop! "Stop!"_

"Naoto-kun?" Rise came rushing out from their shared bedroom with a red dress on and one lock of her hair curled. She was beautiful. 

"Naoto, are you okay?" 

Naoto blinked. Rise had a hand on his forehead like she was taking his temperature. "Yes! Yes. I'm fine." 

Rise raised an eyebrow. "You're seriously worrying me. If you need to tell me something now, I can forget the stupid conference party. You're more important." 

Naoto felt a tear prickling at the corner of his eye and willed it to go away. It didn't. 

Rise cupped his face gently and wiped away the tear. She took Naoto's sweaty hand and led him over to the couch. 

When they were both sitting down, Rise looked Naoto squarely in the eye. "I keep saying this because I think you don't believe me. I love you. I want you to be happy. I don't like to see you hurting. I want to help you if I can. Okay?"

Naoto nodded.  _Now's a perfect opportunity_.

"Rise, I..." His voice faltered and he looked down at the ground. 

"...Yes?"

Naoto swallowed, trying to dispel the knot in his throat. His heart raced. His head throbbed dully.  _What if she doesn't understand?_

He looked up again. Rise was looking at him with worried eyes and a gentle, patient smile. Her hand was resting on his knee, her thumb rubbing gentle, calming circles.  _Even if she doesn't completely understand, she will listen. Trust her._

Naoto took a deep breath...

"I'm trans."

...and then let it all out. 

Naoto stared at Rise, waiting for her reaction. Her hand was still on his knee, but her thumb had stopped rubbing circles.  _If you don't want to date me anymore that's okay, I understa-_

"...Oh." 

Naoto wasn't sure whether his heart was still in his chest or if it had moved up to his ears. That's certainly what it sounded like. 

"You mean... that you're a guy, right?"

Naoto nodded numbly. 

There was a long silence. Naoto wondered what the point of existing was, if all it brought was agony such as this. 

"I'm so sorry."

_What?_

Rise shook her head. _"_ No,wait, that's not where I should start." She leaned in towards Naoto. "Can I hug you?"

Naoto nodded mutely. 

Rise leaned in the rest of the way and wrapped her arms around Naoto. "I love you. Thank you for telling me." 

Naoto felt like he wasn't talking enough. This was supposed to be a conversation. 

 _I love you too._  

Naoto grimaced and tried again. "I love you too." It came out a choked whisper, but it was better than nothing. 

Rise squeezed Naoto tighter. "I said I was sorry earlier because I was thinking about that time a year or two ago I asked you to fill in for that idol who couldn't be at that photoshoot and you were so uncomfortable and I said something stupid about wanting you to be a girl because I'd never had any friends my age who were girls and it was such a stupid thing to say and I'm really sorry and I wish I hadn't-"

"Rise." Naoto felt the tears start flowing. He was going to ruin Rise's nice dress. "It's okay. That was a while ago." 

"I still feel bad." Rise unwrapped herself from Naoto and put her hand back on his knee. "How long have you known?"

Naoto sniffled. How long had he known? He'd known for two weeks that he couldn't hide it anymore. He'd known since he cut his hair again two months ago in the wake of a wave of dysphoria that he was pathetic and weak. Because he'd known for years, ever since he was sixteen and a boy in a white lab coat was telling him that he could never cross the barrier between the sexes, and a robot with half his face was strapping him down into a machine and Naoto knew that he was disgusting for wanting his body to be changed, he was gross and awful and wrong but he'd been ready to lie down and let it happen because it was what he wanted and-

 _Breathe._  

"I've known since my shadow..." 

"Oh, Naoto..." Rise burst into tears and latched onto him again. 

Naoto stopped crying for a second out of surprise, and then promptly started again once he realized this was actually going really well. Rise hadn't said he was gross yet and it certainly didn't  _seem_  like she was going to dump him. 

"Oh, wait." Naoto had almost forgotten. He turned his hands from where they were wrapped around Rise's waist to look at his watch. It was a blur. He blinked furiously. 8:04. "We can still make it to your conference party."

"Naoto-kun! Do you really think I give a damn about that?" 

"No?"

"Of course not! My schedule for the rest of the evening is snuggling with my boyfriend." 

 _Oh. Boyfriend._ Naoto could get used to that. 

"So," Naoto cleared his throat, "You're not dumping me?" 

Rise pulled away from the hug exasperatedly. " _Naoto_." 

Naoto meant to laugh, but it ended up sounding like a dying bird. He reached for the tissues sitting on the table next to the couch and blew his nose loudly. 

Once he was done, Rise spoke up. "I'm really glad you told me. I'd noticed you seemed unhappy for a while, and that all makes sense now, but... it never occurred to me..." 

"Don't blame yourself. Please." Naoto smiled ruefully. "I took my sweet time coming to terms with it. I'd like to just... move forward now. The future is going to be better."

Rise nodded. "I like that optimistic attitude. Let's see, we've got hot cocoa mix in the cupboard, and there should be a new episode out of that show you like..." Rise trailed off. "That show with the character you said gave off 'trans vibes.'"

Naoto nodded sheepishly. 

Rise shook her head. "Right. We're moving on, and I'm not berating myself for not putting all these pieces together..." 

Naoto stood up slowly and grabbed the arm of the couch. It was solid. He wasn’t dreaming. "How about we both get changed into something more comfortable and less tear-stained, and then we can relax and watch TV?" He looked at Rise's shoulder and grimaced. "Sorry for crying all over your nice dress..."

"It's okay, my dress will be fine." Rise stood up too, then frowned at Naoto's chest. "Wait... at some point you started binding again, and I didn't really think anything of it..." 

Naoto chuckled. "Hey. We're moving on. Although, to be fair, I never really completely stopped." 

Rise sighed. "Moving on! There’s a reason you’re the detective and not me." She smiled cheekily, tugging Naoto out of the living room and towards the closet in their bedroom. "Remember how we have matching flannel pajamas?" 

Naoto groaned. "Yes. I don't know why you wanted those so badly." 

"One pair was pink, and the other was blue, and they were hanging right next to one another, so of course I had to buy them." Rise stopped abruptly. "Oh, but they're technically women's pajamas. Is that okay?" 

Naoto smiled at Rise's thoughtfulness. "It's a piece of fabric. I don't remember them being cut weird or anything, so I really don't care." 

Rise grinned back. "Cool." She stepped into the closet and grabbed the pajamas, throwing the blue ones at Naoto. "There's your snuggling outfit." 

Naoto rolled his eyes, but couldn't hide his grin.

Perhaps existing was worthwhile, if it brought joy such as this. 


End file.
